


mirror image

by annperkinsface



Category: Hamilton - Miranda, In the Heights - Miranda
Genre: Crossover, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-12
Updated: 2017-11-15
Packaged: 2018-05-13 09:47:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 8,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5703217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annperkinsface/pseuds/annperkinsface
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Alex, uh. Kind of doesn't do apologies." </p>
<p>Usnavi gapes.</p>
<p>"Ever," Laurens clarifies. "He doesn't do apologies ever."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. when doppelgangers collide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what happens when one lin-manuel miranda personified character walks into another lin-manuel miranda personified character's grocery store
> 
> ANSWER: LITERALLY THE MOST SELF INDULGENT FIC OF ALL TIME

"Who are you?"

It's a legitimate question. This pendejo—sorry, _customer—_ came in, browsed around, at times alternately nodding or shaking his head, and then, after ten minutes of this, walked up to the counter and informed Usnavi of all the ways he could improve cost-effectiveness. Usnavi felt like he'd fallen into a black hole and entered some alternate universe because things like this didn't happen, right? They just didn't.

The man blinks, not even having the good grace to look guilty or apologetic. "Alexander Hamilton."

Gringos, Usnavi thinks, and kind of hates how much he likes his hair. "Right. So are you going to buy something, man, or are you going to keep telling me how to run my business?"

Alexander points at a crunch bar. Usnavi, happy to leave this nightmare behind him, retreives it from behind the glass, descending into a numbed state of horror when the dude uses that as a pretense to keep going.

"Like I was saying, bodegas are a cornerstone of the community, but you've gotta do some of the shit I've recommended or you're gonna be out of business in five years tops."

"Okay, but literally no one asked you?" Usnavi was considering a lifetime ban. Didn't he get enough of this from Benny? And years of friendship made it, while not always exactly welcome, at least not downright inappropriate.

"Just offering some advice." Alexander's mouth quirks in a way that is supposed to be charming but mostly comes across as smug. "I kind of know what I'm talking about."

 _I kind of think you're one of the top five worst humans I've ever encountered._ "Cash or credit?" Usnavi asks, smile strained, and is in the middle of breaking a ten when Sonny's voice sounds from the back.

"Yo, cuz, you would not believe our rodent situation, like some Master Splinter stuff for real—" He goes still, eyes rounding at the sight of them. "Oh my god," Sonny whispers from the side of his mouth, "Usnavi, you have a doppelganger."

Usnavi's face scrunches up involuntarily. "Are you blind, Sonny? This dude isn't even Dominican."

"Half Puerto Rican actually," Alexander says. "And I can't say I see the resemblance either." He grins. "I'm obviously more handsome."

Usnavi, who was guiltily taking the gringo remark back in his head, immediately loses any and all goodwill. Latino solidarity, he feels, can only go far.

Sonny has his phone out. "Can you move a little closer together? I need to text this to everybody. This is some Twilight Zone shit, man."

Usnavi pointedly leans out of frame. "What did I tell you about cursing?"

Sonny shrugs. "It doesn't count if it's in Spanish?"

"Try again," Usnavi says, though he'd argued that to Abuela when he was Sonny's age. Then, to Alexander, "Here's your change, man."

Sonny snaps a pic from the side as the money exchanges hands. Usnavi glares, promising pain of death. Alexander just looks amused. "Yes! Breaking barrio news: meet doppelganger of bodega owner."

"Have a nice day," Usnavi calls to Alexander on the way out and when the bell jangled behind him, "hope to see you... _never_."

"There can only be one," Sonny intones and is too absorbed in composing a mass text to dodge the rag thrown at his head.


	2. eliza

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Him?" He's completely, utterly gobsmacked.
> 
> Eliza just smiles benevolently, shrugging like 'what can you do'.

"Him?" He's completely, utterly gobsmacked.

Eliza just smiles benevolently, shrugging like 'what can you do'.

"But you're an angel descended from on high," says Usnavi, "and he's—" emerged from the bowels of hell to plague the existence of bodega owners, "well, not."

"He has his good qualities," Eliza is saying when Vanessa plops down beside him, pressing a swift kiss to his cheek.

"I owe you," she says, handing Eliza a ginger tea, then rolls her eyes at Usnavi. "Honestly, I got up six minutes ago. That's enough time to process your doppelganger is Eliza's boyfriend."

"It's really not," Usnavi says. "And he's not my doppelganger!"

Vanessa snorts behind her hopefully lukewarm cup of coffee. "The pictures don't lie."

"I'm going to kill Sonny," Usnavi says.

"Please," says Vanessa. "Eliza and I have been exchanging pics since we first talked about each other's boyfriends. We just never brought it up because what would be the fun in that?"

Usnavi can feel his brain melting through his ears. "You've known all this time?"

Eliza serenely sips her tea while Vanessa lowers her Styrofoam cup to reveal a shit eating grin. "Doi!"

"And I may have recommended your bodega if he was ever in the area." Eliza pulls an apologetic face. "I'm sorry your meet cute was more meet than cute."

"Hey, he already has a boyfriend," Vanessa says. "He can't have mine."

"Wait, what?" Usnavi says.

There's some giggling and meaningful eye contact he tries very hard not to understand.

"You would love John," Eliza tells Usnavi. "He's a sweetheart, like you."

Then why is it you're both dating the living embodiment of Satan, Usnavi wonders. "I'm sure your boyfriend's boyfriend is good people."

"Not another doppelganger though," Vanessa says and there's more disappointment than Usnavi's honestly comfortable with.

"We don't look that alike." The urge to slouch down in his chair is strong, especially when Vanessa and Eliza exchange 'oh-isn't-he-just-adorable' looks.

"There's the nose," Vanessa says.

"The soulful puppy eyes," Eliza says.

"The everything," Vanessa says. "He's literally your half Puerto Rican doppelganger."

"Okay, the word doppelganger is hereby banned," Usnavi says. "If y'all want to keep insulting me then you're going to have to get creative with it."

Vanessa purses her lips before turning gleeful. "Oh man, me and Sonny are going to have sooooo much fun."

Usnavi is distracted from his slow, dawning horror at this new evil he has wrought by the touch of a hand. He follows it up to Eliza's face: soft, imploring.

"I know he didn't make the best first impression. And, truthfully, Alex can be...well, a bit of a jerk." She smiles ruefully, hand still over his. "But he's also passionate and brilliant and occasionally very sweet." She punctuates it with a squeeze, finally pulling her hand back.

"You should see some of the emails he sends Eliza," Vanessa says. "They're goddamn romance novels."

Usnavi has never felt more like chopped liver in his life. "Okay, but don't I get you café con leche just the way you like it?"

"It's not a competition," Vanessa says, sounding like she's trying not to laugh.

A phone buzzes on the table and Eliza looks it over before getting up. "Duty calls," she says. She always sounds so cheerful about the fact. "Drink's on me next time, okay?"

Vanessa drains the rest of her coffee so she can get up with her. "We'll walk you out." She slings her purse over her shoulder. "I should be heading back to the salon anyway."

Outside, Vanessa hugs Eliza goodbye, murmuring something in her ear that makes Eliza laugh and swat her shoulder. She hugs Usnavi next, promising to lecture Alexander about giving unwanted advice before disappearing into the mass of bodies.

"Isn't it bad enough you're cheating on me with Starbucks," Usnavi says. "Now you're swooning over one of the worst humans alive?"

"Ay Usnavi," Vanessa says.

He can hear the smile underneath it all, though, and they've barely started down the block before Vanessa's tugging him away from the flow of foot traffic. There's two wooden crates and the vague smell of piss and nothing seems to matter except for Vanessa's mouth on his. He can barely remember his name, much less what's-his-face by the time she's done kissing him.

She leans back when he tries to chase her mouth, arms still wound over his shoulders, nose doing that cute wrinkle he loves.

"It's not a competition," Vanessa repeats, smile so close he can almost taste it, "but if it were you'd totally win."

Usnavi blinks, caught in a drugged out daze. "I'm winning right now," is all he can say, like the deeply uncool person he is. No wonder it took so long for him to score a date.

"Yeah you are," Vanessa says and leans in to kiss him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i..........may or may not be super usnavi/vanessa/eliza on the dl. you know. real casual like.
> 
> also it cracks me up for usnavi to be perpetually [michael bluth voice] him?????? re: eliza dating ham


	3. laurens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "That's a good one," a voice says. Sonny looks up and woah. Freckles galore and curls that could give Nina's a run for her money, sacrilegious as that feels.

It's a Tuesday and Sonny's reading one of the books Nina sent back from college. Usnavi would get on his case about it but his cousin isn't here and it's honestly kind of dead around this time.

"That's a good one," a voice says. Sonny looks up and _woah_. Freckles galore and curls that could give Nina's a run for her money, sacrilegious as that feels.

Sonny sets it down on the counter. "Uh, yeah, my friend thought I'd like it. She's always sending me stuff like this."

"That's so great," the guy says and there's something about how earnest he is that makes the back of Sonny's neck feel hot. "What do you think so far?"

Sonny's shoulder lifts in a shrug. "I like that it's written by someone who isn't white."

The guy cracks a Colgate worthy smile. "Always a plus."

It really _is_ dead around this time so they end up talking about it in depth—gentrification and the effects he's seen first hand—and the guy doesn't cut him off or make him feel like he's some dumb kid who couldn't possibly know anything. He listens intently, like every word out Sonny's mouth is the most important of humankind.

They're a half hour into this conversation before they laugh, realizing they haven't actually introduced themselves. The guy's name pings a bell but for the life of him Sonny can't figure out where.

"I do a lot of activist work," John says when Sonny mentions it. He's sitting on the stool Sonny let him pull up, smile a fraction more embarrassed.

Sonny thumps his fist into his hand. "Nina's must have mentioned you then," he says with a grin. He's already composing a text to her in his mind.

"That the friend who got you the book?"

"Yeah, she's at Stanford," Sonny says and wonders if it counts as a humble brag when you're bragging about your awesome former babysitter. "She's going to change the world some day."

"I believe it," John says and thing is he sounds like he really does. "I'm glad I got to talk to you, Sonny. People like you and your friend—young people, actively fighting for change, you're just what we need, you know?"

"I haven't actually done anything," Sonny mumbles, embarrassed. This guy was an actual activist and for all his talk he was still a high school student. "I mainly work at the store."

John raises a brow. "And what store is that?"

"The bodega," Sonny replies, and John looks at him, both eyebrows raised, until it clicks. "Ohhhhhhhhh."

John shakes his head, grins. His whole face scrunches with it, freckles thrown in sharp relief, and Sonny thinks, _oh_.

"You're doing more for your community than you think," John says, and his stomach does more than swoop, it does goddamn somersaults.

Sonny grins back. "Yeah," he says. "I guess I am."

 

 

 

SONNY> yo guess who walked into the bodega today

 

[attached photo]

 

SONNY> new member of the nina rosario fan club

 

SONNY> u've hit the big time

 

SONNY> but don't forget i was president AND treasury

 

NINA> !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

NINA> JOHN LAURENS KNOWS MY NAME??????????????????????

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just really wanted to write john taking sonny under his wing ok and him crushing because he so would
> 
> between nina and laurens sonny may or may not have a Type


	4. laurens ii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How is it, Usnavi wonders, that he's gone a good two decades without so much as hearing the name Alexander Hamilton but now it's like he can't stop hearing it, everywhere, from literally every person he knows.

How is it, Usnavi wonders, that he's gone a good two decades without so much as hearing the name Alexander Hamilton but now it's like he can't stop hearing it, everywhere, from literally every person he knows. Just the other day, Piragua Guy called out, "How's your twin, señor Usnavi!" He'd been with Benny at the time and the ribbing he got almost made him wistful for the days when the only shit he got was for crushing on Vanessa.

Vanessa, kind, sympathetic soul that she is, thinks it's hilarious. "You should grow it out," she tells him one night in her apartment. Her hand's drifted into his hair, lightly tugging. "I think it'd be sexy."

"Nngh," Usnavi says, because he's gotten better at words-ing around Vanessa but they're making out on the couch and English is kind of beyond him at this point; "Cómo?" and then, "Wait," and, "You're diabolical, ay dios mio."

Vanessa cracks up against his mouth, because she is, she really, really is, and Usnavi declares, "Mood officially ruined," while not actually moving a muscle because. Well. Reasons, beginning and ending with lap full of Vanessa.

"Sure," says Vanessa, speculatively, and pulls away, which is terrible, he misses her immediately, but then she's lowering the strap of her top, slowly, deliberately, raising one perfectly arched brow.

He says, "Well," and his voice squeaks because this is actually his life.

Vanessa grins, almost painfully smug. "That's what I thought."

There's not a lot of talking after that, marking it as one of the better instances of his new post-Alexander Hamilton life, but Usnavi's still really, truly done with it all.

So it just figures he's assessing the rodent situation for himself - - Sonny wasn't kidding about it being Master Splinter-like - - when someone calls out, "Usnavi de la Vega?"

Usnavi stiffens because that's what you do when you get first and last name'd by a stranger in a back alley. "Who's asking?" He turns around and - - wow, that's a _really_ good looking guy.

The guy looks equally agog, which makes less sense, considering, he's, well, Usnavi. "Holy shit," he breathes, then shakes his head. "Sorry, this is, um. Probably really weird."

"A little bit, yeah," Usnavi says but he's put weirdly at ease. Hopefully this isn't the start of a Law and Order episode.

"I'm John," the guy says. "John Laurens."

"Sonny's Laurens?" Usnavi asks, because Sonny had been talking about how he'd made friends with some big name activist that came into the store.

Laurens grins. "Also Eliza's. I'd say small world but well, your bodega came highly recommended."

Not my back alley, though, Usnavi thinks, because Eliza's - - boyfriend? - - aside, this was still really weird. "I hope you didn't come back here to offer me advice," he says, which: _probably_ a little mean. Laurens, thankfully, doesn't seem to take offense.

"Ah, no," Laurens says. "Sonny said you'd been out here a while. I've been really wanting to talk to you but I, uh. Could've thought this one through more, I guess."

"Probably," Usnavi says, amused. "Mutant rat filled alleys not exactly ideal for conversation, you know?"

"Heh," Laurens says, then smiles, unexpectedly soft. "Eliza was right about you." He must have made a face because Laurens hastens: "Not the doppelganger thing, though that's low key tripping me the fuck out, I'm not going to lie, but like. You. I can tell you're a really good guy."

"Oh," Usnavi says, flushing. It's nice to hear, even if it's from a dude he's known for all of five seconds. "Thanks."

Of course, Usnavi's life being what it is, the moment promptly goes down the drain when Laurens says, "That's why I have to apologize on Alex's behalf."

"You don't," Usnavi says, fighting a scowl at just his name, jesus. "You really, really don't."

"I do," Laurens insists, seeming - - embarrassed? "Alex, uh. Kind of doesn't do apologies."

Usnavi gapes.

"Ever," Laurens clarifies. "He doesn't do apologies ever."

"What the fuck," Usnavi says, while Laurens looks both apologetic and weirdly fond, because what does he even _do_ with that?

"Yeah," Laurens says, smile-grimacing, and he looks handsome doing that, how is that even fair. "You're really important to Eliza, you know? And he'd never say it himself but we're both really grateful that she has you and Vanessa. Things were rough when Angie - - you know Angie, right?"

If Usnavi weren't so thrown for a loop he'd smile remembering the way Eliza's face lights up whenever she gets a text from her. "Her sister."

"And her best friend," Laurens says. "She moved abroad and Eliza - - she still had us, but it wasn't the same, especially since her other sister's away at school."

Usnavi thinks about Vanessa and Nina and wonders if that gap where a loved one's supposed to be is the reason Vanessa and Eliza became so close so quickly. "Eliza's one of the best people I know," he says, "and I live in a neighborhood full of em."

Laurens' smile looks more fond now than painful. "She is."

"You're a good guy too," Usnavi says, because anyone who cares about Eliza that much has to be. Barring the obvious exception. "But, and I don't mean to be rude, fuck that no apologies noise. That's bullshit, man."

Laurens laughs. "Yeah," he says. "Times like this it kind of is." He claps Usnavi's shoulder and heads back in to talk with Sonny, leaving Usnavi in the alley alone.  

"Doesn't do apologies," scoffs Usnavi, to the trash and mutant rats. "I fucking _hate_ that guy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writing usnavi hating ham is giving me so much life ngl
> 
> usnavi [internally]: this dude just goes through life pissing people off??? never owning up or acknowledging his actions effect other people? what the fuck even???


	5. salon ladies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Usnavi still can't believe this is his life.

"I have a question," Vanessa says. "What are your thoughts on doppelganger sex?"

"Oh my god," Usnavi says, loudly, but is predictably ignored.

"Jesus wouldn't approve," Carla says, frowning thoughtfully. "Or at least I don't think."

"I think there's a little leeway here," Sonny says. "I mean we are talking about doppelgangers and not clones right? Cause that'd be a whole different thing."

"It's asking for your feelings on clone-fucking," Vanessa says, glancing down at her phone. "Which, yeah, whole other moral ballpark, but it pretty much applies to doppelgangers and since only one of us has one of those running around..."

"Freaky," Sonny says, decisively. "Narcissistic and pseudo-incestuous for sure, but also like, not having the exact same DNA lessens the creepiness factor. Marginally."

"I don't know," Carla says. "I'm all about self-love but that's taking it to a whole other level."

"I could be into it," Vanessa says. "You know, hypothetically."

"Wait, having sex with your doppelganger or Usnavi having sex with his doppelganger?" Sonny asks, because Usnavi lives in a world where this apparently needs to be clarified.

"I mean, I wouldn't not fuck my doppelganger," Vanessa says. "I am pretty hot. And supportive. Don't forget supportive."

"Supported is not what I'm feeling right now," Usnavi says. "Opposite of that, actually."

Sonny nods, mock earnest. "So, aroused?"

"Oh my god," Usnavi says. "Do you want me to throw up in my mouth?"

"I sure as hell don't want to mop up the floor," Sonny says.

"Isn't there a swear jar?" Carla asks. "I think there's a swear jar."

"There is, Carla, thank you," Usnavi says, reaching under the counter. "Pay up you two."

"Ugh, this has been hell on my wallet," Vanessa grumbles, reaching into her purse.

"This is robbery is what it is," Sonny complains. "Do you know how difficult it is not to say?"

"Yeah, yeah, that's what you two get for not being creative," Usnavi says, pushing it towards them. "Time to put your money where your mouth is."

"It's German, Usnavi," Vanessa says, depositing a five in the jar labelled 'doppelganger talk'. "It's surprisingly hard to top German."

Sonny drops in three one's with minimum grumbling and doesn't even have the courtesy to wait a full minute before asking, "So would you?"

"This is terrible," Usnavi says. "You're all terrible."

"Hey," Carla protests.

"Except Carla," Usnavi amends.

"Hey, don't blame us," Vanessa says. "Blame the weirdos at Buzzfeed for coming up with this in the first place."

"Don't they have jobs?" Usnavi asks, despairing. "Don't we all have jobs?"

"It's okay, Usnavi," Carla says sweetly. "Love is love."

Vanessa cackles and gives Carla a high-five and Usnavi remembers, oh yeah, salon ladies are evil. He drops his head onto the counter and groans, not so-silently bemoaning his life.

"I guess I should be glad Daniela isn't here," Usnavi says, voice muffled. "Small mercies and all that."

"Yeah, about that," Vanessa says. "She's definitely stopping by. You know, as a heads up."

Usnavi groans again. Carla is kind enough to pat him on the back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is basically me embracing my own joke continuity because i am a ridiculous person. also the poll in question is in fact a [thing](http://www.buzzfeed.com/iexplorer/hey-we-have-a-weird-question-for-you) because you know. buzzfeed.
> 
> no ham characters this time, sorry, but heights is listed first for a reason so!


	6. eliza ii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I think Usnavi's convinced we're planning some sort of doppelganger orgy," Vanessa says.

"I think Usnavi's convinced we're planning some sort of doppelganger orgy," Vanessa says, fiddling with her hair. They have a standing coffee date every Wednesday but Vanessa keeps stopping to examine her reflection critically in passing storefronts. It just looks off.

Eliza loops their arms together, gently steering Vanessa away. Vanessa lets her. You generally do what Eliza wants you to do. "I don't think it'd be a doppelganger orgy so much as an orgy with doppelgangers," Eliza muses, keeping their arms linked, "and I think we need more than four people to really qualify."

Vanessa nudges her with her elbow. "Been to a lot of orgies in your day, huh, Schuyler?"

"Oh, one or two," Eliza says, casually.

"I knew that pure as driven snow thing was just an act," Vanessa says. "Orgies are like a rite of passage for rich people. That and swimming in a pool full of money."

"You know we're not all actually Scrooge Mcduck, right," Eliza says. "The only pools I've ever swam in have had chlorine. Well, okay, saltwater once, but that was once." She shakes her head sharply. "But we're getting off subject. Usnavi's suspicious?"

Vanessa snorts. "Yeah, about the wrong things." She _really_ wasn't kidding.

"You literally took a poll to determine whether he'd ever have sex with a doppelganger."

"It's a red herring," Vanessa says, and off Eliza's dry look, "Well, mostly a red herring. It's like 70% trolling and 10% scientific curiosity."

"Scientific curiosity, huh," Eliza says, smiling. "Just be glad Alexander isn't here to correct your math."

"I'd have to join that brotherhood of blood Usnavi keeps trying to rope Sonny into," Vanessa says. "And failing, because it's _hilarious_ , and because his crush on your boyfriend's boyfriend can be seen from outer space, blah, blah, no familial loyalty, blah, blah."

Well, obvious to her anyway. Usnavi was none the wiser. He was also clearly still confused about Eliza and John's relationship but hadn't worked up the nerve to ask yet. As adorable as he is oblivious, Vanessa thinks fondly.

"You know in his own strange way he was being sweet," Eliza says as they're waiting to cross. "Alex, I mean. I chalked it up to Alexander being Alexander and left it at that, but Alex told John who told me that Alex came to the bodega that day specifically on the off chance he'd run into Usnavi. He genuinely thought he was being kind. I'm not saying he wasn't rude and smug, but..." She shrugs. People who love Alexander Hamilton do that a lot, Vanessa's learned.

"Wow," she says, still reeling from the first part of that. "Talk about no secrets."

Eliza prods Vanessa with her elbow this time, mouth curling. Her eyes are bright. "Hey, it takes two people to properly avert the human disaster that is Alex."

Vanessa shakes her head over this as they cross. "Your boyfriend may have prettier hair," she says, back on the sidewalk, "but I clearly have the superior doppelganger in terms of socialization."

"Well, yeah," Eliza says like it's a given. "Usnavi."

Vanessa smiles. Coffee is almost within their reach. "Yeah," she says, softly. "Usnavi."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT STILL YET LIVES
> 
> wow, january was.......a long time ago. a rough semester coupled with severe depression and my laptop self destructing two separate times caused me to lose what i'd written in that time. but the call of writing vanessa+eliza interaction was too strong to resist. i've missed writing doppelganger jokes! just jokes in general really. i hope my dialogue is as amusing to you as it is to myself.


	7. orgy is bond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hamilton may or may not be Voldemort. Vanessa may or may not be an evil mastermind.

The doppelganger talk jar becomes a mainstay in the bodega. When October rolls around Vanessa decorates the outside of it with little ghosts and bats. "Seasonal extortion," she says, brightly. "What's spookier than that?"

Usnavi frowns. "Extortion is—harsh," he says, wavering. "I'm just evening out the playing field."

Vanessa leans over the counter to kiss his forehead. "Extortion," she declares again while Usnavi dazedly touches the lipstick imprint with his hand. "I've never been more proud."

Similarly, Benny eyes it with a strange mixture of respect and wariness whenever he comes in. "Man, that is some serious cash."

"It's been months," Usnavi says, wiping down the counter more aggressively than needed, probably. He has a lot of frustration to work out, okay? "Months! Haven't the jokes gotten old by now?"

"The jokes will never get old," Sonny insists, setting the mop aside to take up his favorite pastime: giving Usnavi hell. "The beating my wallet's been taking, however..."

"Shouldn't have mentioned He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named then," Benny says, because he is nothing if not frugal, and stopped using the d word after the first time he was forced to pay up.

Sonny snorts. "He's not Voldemort."

"I don't know," Usnavi says. "I'm trying to live out my life as normally as possible, but this dude just keeps coming in and fucking everything up. Sounds like Voldemort to me."

"You literally met him once," Benny says. "And offering you sound advice is not a dark wizard make."

"Sound!" Usnavi bursts out. "It's—it's rude, is what it is! So what if he's some kind of financial whiz kid, who does that, then stands there like I'm supposed to just smile and thank him?"

"I know I would," Benny says, unhelpfully. "Hamilton is the real deal."

No loyalty, Usnavi thinks bitterly. "Whatever. Can't we all just move on with our lives? Because I'm trying, and none of you will let me."

"He's Eliza's boyfriend," Benny says, like Usnavi needs reminding and doesn't, in fact, lament this at great length. "Odds are you're probably going to see him again."

"Especially with the party," Sonny says.

"Yo, shut up," Benny hisses.

"Party?" Usnavi asks, eyes narrowing, looking between the two of them. "What party?"

Sonny laughs in a totally real, not at all b movie actress way. "Did I say party? I meant orgy. You'll see him again at the orgy."

 _Don't joke about the orgy, man_ , Usnavi thinks, but firms his mouth all the same. "Sonny: What. Party."

"Look, man, ask your girlfriend," Benny interjects. "Either of them."

Usnavi immediately flusters. "That isn't—I'm not—" He regains himself. " _Party_ ," he emphasizes. "La fiesta."

Sonny picks up the mop he's abandoned, full on turning away. "I'd love to tell you, cuz, but I've got a date with a suspicious splotch near the feminine products," he says, trotting off, and mops at a perfectly clean floor, whistling.

Usnavi stares in disbelief then turns back to the last man standing. "C'mon, man."

Unfortunately for him, years of friendship lose out to conspiracy. "I've been sworn to secrecy," Benny says, holding up his hands. "Ain't nothing else to it, man."

Usnavi scowls and deliberately slides back the coffee Benny was going to take for the road. "Then this is no longer on the house," he says. "Ain't nothing else to it, man."

Benny just shrugs and fishes a couple dollars out of his wallet but Usnavi ends up caving and letting him take it anyway. He's never been all that great at passive aggression.

 

 

 

"Please tell me you're not throwing a surprise orgy," Usnavi begs Vanessa. She has barely stepped through the apartment door.

"We've talked about this before," she says, laughing, simultaneously struggling to get out of her absurdly strappy heels. "I can neither confirm nor deny the existence of said orgy."

"Yeah, but that was _before_ I knew there were actual concrete party plans in the works," Usnavi says, and Vanessa straightens up with a scowl all at once, stepping out of her heels and throwing her purse onto the table harshly.

"Who snitched?" Vanessa asks, rounding the couch to stand in front of him, arms crossed and mouth thin. "Was it Sonny? I swear he's worse than Carla when it comes to having loose lips."

"He may have let something slip," Usnavi says.

"Ugh, of course he did," Vanessa says. "So much for word is bond and all that shit."

"Orgy is bond," Usnavi muses. "Kind of surprised that's never been a rap lyric."

She snorts, sitting down and smiling at him. "You're taking this surprisingly well."

"I'm like 70% sure it's not an actual orgy," Usnavi says. "I'm about 100% sure it is going to be completely awful, though."

"Probably," Vanessa agrees. "That's why I was going to ease into it with the power of sex."

Usnavi's face must do a thing—a 'I can't believe I get to have sex with Vanessa' thing—because she bursts out laughing. "I'm kidding," she says. "Well, partly. That was totally my plan if good ol' emotional manipulation didn't work out."

"Have I mentioned lately how much I appreciate your honesty," Usnavi says, voice strained.

Vanessa leans in, eyes bright. Usnavi valiantly does not look at her breasts. "You could stand to mention it a little more," she murmurs, walking her fingers up his thigh, slowly nearing a critical danger zone.

That doesn't even make sense, Usnavi thinks, but this is also distractingly hot, so. He kind of gets why this was a part of her overarching master plan.

"You're an evil mastermind," he says, not for the first or the last time, and Vanessa smothers a laugh against his cheek.

"I know," she says, happily. "Isn't it great?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if it isn't supremely obvious, vanessa is my favorite-est favorite to write, followed by usnavi. all the heights voices are the best, though. i've missed rolling around in them. 
> 
> this fic must be the absolute worst to follow lol but i actually broke 1k this time! and look! plot progression! miracle of miracles!


	8. eliza iii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Sonny is banished and there are suddenly feelings in my jokes.

Vanessa being Vanessa, and thus a soul of neither shame nor discretion, has turned the bodega into the center of party planning operations but only after Sonny is ceremonially banished.

"You can't banish me," Sonny argues while Usnavi tries in vain to actually run a business. He hands back change to yet another customer watching the train-wreck that is Usnavi's life like it's a tennis match, snapping his fingers to get their attention. They barely spare him a glance. "I was never even a member!"

"Neither was Benny," Vanessa says, glowering, "and you don't see him blabbing his mouth everywhere."

"It was bound to get out eventually," Sonny says. "Pro tip: if you want your stealth party plans to stay stealthy and secret, then maybe, I don't know, not tell the whole barrio."

"He has a point," Eliza says. As the only other member of the party committee she's supposedly there to serve witness to Vanessa's judgement but she just looks amused.

"I took you into my confidence," Vanessa says, loudly, because she's a bit on the dramatic side.

"Yeah, me and twenty other people!"

"And they all kept their mouth _shut_ so what does that say about you?"

"You see that sign outside," Usnavi snaps to a white hipster who goes by Gaston, like freaking Beauty and the Beast, when his legal name is actually Jake; Usnavi's seen his driver's license, because Gaston doesn't look a day over 16 and he's carded him for beer. "It says no loitering."

"Yeah, Gaston," Graffiti Pete jeers.

Usnavi rounds on him. "That goes double for you, you little punk!"

An "oooh" goes through the crowd, José from the liquor store being the loudest.

"Don't be like that, cuz," Sonny says, still glaring at Vanessa. "Pete's here as backup for the tyrant you call a girlfriend."

Gwen, the Vietnamese lady from the nail place, says, sotto voce, "No, I think he was just loitering," to her co-worker Maria, who nods in agreement.

Usnavi's had it. "You're _all_ loitering," he says, finally raising his voice. "This is my livelihood, not a freak show. Either buy something or get the hell out!" There's a murmur of discontent but he doesn't bother sticking around to see, snapping at Sonny, "I'm taking a break, do what I fucking you pay for," before shutting himself up in the back.

He regrets it less than he expects. Usnavi's so easy going and slow to anger that people forget he can lose his cool sometimes, too.

He's sitting with his head in his hands when the door opens and the sound of feet draw near. He looks up, sighing, only to blink, taken aback.

"Hello," Eliza says, smiling. "Mind if I join you?"

He blinks twice before giving a jerky nod. "Uh, yeah, be my guest."

She gingerly sits on the crate next to his stool and looks at him, tucking her hair behind her ear. It's a little weird, if he's completely honest. He's never been alone with Eliza, not really. He loves her dearly, and counts her as a close friend, but there's always been Vanessa there too, the reason they even know each other in the first place.

"Vanessa's doing crowd control," Eliza says, because she apparently has psychic powers, "and by that I mean she is bullying everyone into buying at least one thing."

Usnavi laughs. "Yeah," he says, smiling helplessly. "That sounds about right."

Eliza nods, clasping her hands in her lap. "I'm sorry," she says, abruptly. She makes a face at herself and Usnavi's smile softens; it's weirdly reassuring, knowing Eliza can be just as awkward as anyone else. "It occurs to me that...well, things might gotten a bit out of hand. It must be frustrating, always feeling like the butt of a joke, or like Vanessa and I are manipulating you for our own amusement."

"Aren't you, though?" Usnavi asks, because Eliza might seem too nice to be real, but she was also no unwilling cohort.

She smiles. "Maybe a little."

"I don't mind," Usnavi says, honestly, then shrugs his shoulders when Eliza gives him a look, "Okay, maybe I do mind, a bit. I'm only human and the jokes got old really fast. I mind less when it's you and Vanessa, though."

"Oh," Eliza says, softly, looking dazed. "You know, we've never talked about it. The—you know—" She gestures at him and then makes a face when he just looks at her innocently. "Fine," she says, swatting at his arm and laughing. "Remind me to pay you when we get back out there. The doppelganger thing."

Usnavi makes a face. "Uh, that's all we've been talking about for months, actually."

Eliza shakes her head. "But as a joke. Not seriously." She's quiet for a long moment, just looking at him, and Usnavi shifts under her thoughtful gaze. "It's different for Vanessa," she says, finally. "Alexander's still not really real to her. I don't think he ever will be, even when he meets her. But you—you're Usnavi. I don't look in your face and see Alexander. I see _you_." Her voice is hushed; tender. "I see my friend."

Usnavi's throat is weirdly tight. He clears it awkwardly. "Well, the hair helps if anything."

Eliza's mouth and eyes are soft. "Maybe," she says, letting him joke it all away, and he thinks, suddenly, if there's any word that could describe Eliza Schuyler it would be gracious. "Maybe not."

The moment breaks with the opening of the door and a gleeful Vanessa beaming at them. "I extorted the shit out of everyone."

"You probably shouldn't be bragging about that where my customers can hear you," Usnavi says but he's smiling. He can't not.

"Okay, but you wouldn't _have_ customers if I hadn't extorted them," Vanessa says. "So there."

"You can't argue with that," Eliza says. "I mean, you could, but I'd advise that you wouldn't."

"I always knew you were smart," Vanessa says, approvingly. "Too bad I couldn't see you make guilt trip money out of their wallets." She looks at Usnavi, eyebrows raised. "Did she make you talk about feelings?"

"No," Usnavi says, weakly.

Vanessa raises her eyebrows higher, disbelieving.

"... _Maybe_."

Vanessa snorts, voice derisive but gaze warm, as contradictory as only Vanessa could be. "She does that. It's kind of the worst."

"Hey, you're the ones who hates feelings," Usnavi says. "I'm all about feelings."

"You and Eliza and Nina," Vanessa muses. "My lot in life is to be surrounded by people who aren't emotionally repressed."  
  
"Poor you," Eliza says, laughing.  
  
"Yeah," Vanessa says, eyes bright. "Poor me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know, i know, still no ham, but as eliza is the lynch pin of this crossover (and also my favorite hamilton character) it's very important to me that i show, not tell her friendship with usnavi and vanessa for its own sake rather than just as a catalyst for the plot okay


	9. interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Usnavi has questions. Vanessa, as always, has answers.

"So who isn't going to this thing, is what I'm wondering," Usnavi says as he walks Vanessa back to her place in early December. The sidewalks are slick and his cheeks wind stung, classic hat replaced by a bomber hat pulled tight over his ears. "Like, should I be I be bracing myself for my worst enemy making nice with Piragua Guy?"

"You should be more worried about Daniela and Carla," Vanessa says, the scarf over her mouth successfully masking her grin but not her snort at Usnavi's horror. "I'm kidding, god, keep your panties on. I don't hate you that much."

"You don't hate me at all," Usnavi says with the confidence of someone who had gone down on her for two hours the night before, and so often with them _he's_ the one tongue tied and stupid, but then he'll say things like that and smile, a little wry but mostly soft and earnest, and Vanessa's cool girl armor is rendered useless.

"You wanna test that theory?" Vanessa says once her heart and lungs decide to cooperate, because he might not be wrong but she's still Vanessa and she can't make things too easy for him. "I can invite the Rosarios. Think of all the business advice Alexander could give Kevin."

"Kevin would either murder him or embrace him as the son he never had," Usnavi mutters, then pauses, smile turning sly. "On second thought..."

"Rosario, singular, is already coming," Vanessa says, "and not the one you're thinking of. Kevin would spend the whole party trying to get Nina to get with Alex instead."

"I thought how long you kept putting this off smelled funny," Usnavi says. "I should've known it wasn't out of love and pity for me but how much you love Nina."

"Like I was going to miss the opportunity for my best girls to meet each other," Vanessa says, smiling at the thought.

"Your best boy can just suffer then?" Usnavi asks, mock wounded.

"You're my only boy," Vanessa says, not confirming or denying the best part, "and yes."

"Hm," Usnavi says, smile all stupid soft again, and this, _this_ is the reason why he's the only boy she ever let stay. "I guess I can live with that."

His eyelashes are wet by the time they're finally standing outside her apartment building. Vanessa touches her gloved fingers to his face, sliding them over his cheek and into his hair. She presses her mouth to his, smiling widely under her scarf when he laughs and screws up his face but lets her anchor him there, returning the pressure as best he can, which isn't much. It's barely a kiss at all, but it's somehow just as good, in all its silliness.

"So me, you, Nina, Eliza, Laurens, and The Devil himself," Usnavi says when they've stopped embarrassing themselves and have shed six layers of clothing between them in her apartment, ticking off his gloveless fingers. "Am I missing anybody?"

"Sonny and Benny, duh," Vanessa says, purposefully not looking up from balling her wet socks. "Oh, and Angelica."

She throws them on the table and looks at him. He's gaping. It's a weirdly attractive look, as always. "Angelica?" he splutters. " _Eliza's_ Angelica? I thought she was in France."

"Formerly France, formerly, formerly London," Vanessa says, grinning at blindsiding him twice in one day. "Soon to be currently New York City."

"Wow," Usnavi says, smiling. "Eliza must be over the moon."

"Of course," Vanessa says, smiling back. "All the people she loves best in one room? Well, minus Peggy, but still."

Usnavi flops onto his back. "See, when you put it like that it sounds not completely terrible," he mutters, arm skewed over his eyes like a drama queen. "Heart-warming even."

Vanessa rolls her eyes but still inches over, resting her head on his chest. "That's because you're grossly sentimental and I'm a master manipulator."

Usnavi lowers his arm to give her a look that is both incredulous and too amused for its own good. "You kiss me with a scarf over your face and _I'm_ grossly sentimental?"

"Yes, actually," Vanessa says. "That's just proof your sentimentality is contagious. We'll have to break up before I start caring about Valentines Day."

"What are you talking about, you love Valentines Day," Usnavi says. "Through middle school and high school you would reject boys left and right but still take their candy."

"They called me the Love Bully," Vanessa says, reminiscingly. "God, teenage boys are hilarious."

Usnavi shakes his head forlornly. "Who knew that free coffee was the way to your heart? Oh wait. _This_ guy."

Normally scowling comes as easily as breathing, but it's harder with Usnavi, even when he's looking entirely too pleased with himself. Vanessa sits up and kisses him, partly to shut him up and partly because she plain wants to.

Love makes idiots of us all, she thinks. But when it's Usnavi she somehow doesn't mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as a writer, i live for feedback, so it was a little disheartening to not really get any on my last update. i'd rather get comments than kudos any day tbh. even something as simple as quoting a line you thought was funny or talking about a characterization or dynamic you're enjoying can make my day! or even how or what you're enjoying about the fic as a whole.


	10. outfit repeater

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Usnavi has 99 problems and for once his doppelganger isn't one. Hamilton makes promises no one believes he can keep.

i.

"So how do I look?” Sonny asks with a smile that probably looks more like a grimace, trying not to tug at the death trap around his neck. He’s been suckered into wearing a bow tie of all things. He feels like a clown but he can't even be mad because it’s  _Nina_ and more than anything he feels a grudging admiration at the fact that she’s barely been back a week and he’s already bending over backwards to make her smile.

Nina grins and gives him a thumbs up from where she’s swinging her legs back and forth on the counter. She looks as luminescent as ever and he doesn’t know how his heart is going to handle her and Laurens being ten miles of each other much less existing in the same space and having conversations. The combined fluffiness of their hair alone will be the death of him. “Very snazzy.”

“How about we try that again,” Sonny prompts shamelessly, “only this time with something that a white grandmother wouldn’t say?”

“You look handsome, nene,” Nina says, laughing. It’s still one of the best sounds he’s ever heard.

“That's more like it,” Sonny says, grinning at the way Nina’s nose scrunches up. His crush on Nina is almost as old as he is and it feels a bit like slipping into a skin he hasn't worn in a while, a little baggy at first but fitting better the longer he wears it.

“I’m burning it and that's final!” Vanessa yells from the bedroom.

Benny emerges in the kitchen doorway seconds later, looking harried. He walks over to stand next to Nina, ignoring her scowl when he drinks what's left of her coquito. “Don't ask.”

"There better be coquito at this thing or so help me,” Nina warns. “He’s half Puerto Rican so what if there’s only half the coquito? Or none? What if there’s none?”

“I’ll grovel for forgiveness,” Benny says. “I know how you Puerto Ricans can get.”

There’s a mysterious thump and the sound of scuffling and Vanessa storms out with a shirtless Usnavi on her heels, holding a sweater over her head. Sonny cringes back. “Gross, cuz, I did not need to see that!”

“I had to see your bare ass when I changed your diapers,” Usnavi snaps without taking his eyes off Vanessa who is now holding the sweater under her arm while rooting through her drawers for a lighter. “You don't get to say shit.”

“...Point,” Sonny admits.

“Nice hickeys,” Benny says, smirking.

Usnavi rolls his eyes. “Yeah, I should be ashamed of being intimate with my super hot girlfriend who is also a bit of a pyromaniac. Nice try. Now can I please have my sweater back? And by back I mean not set aflame?”

“Being intimate,” Vanessa scoffs, halting her search to lift her head and scowl with palpable disgust in Usnavi’s direction. Everyone knows who the fuck boy is in that relationship. “Why don't you tell people we make love while you’re at it?”

“I bet there are candles,” Nina muses to the room at large. “With rose petals.”

“We don’t talk about the rose petals,” Sonny says with a shudder.

Vanessa slams another drawer with a noise that is all the more angry for its incoherency and turns to lean her back against the counter, running a frustrated hand through her hair. Usnavi, seeing an advantage, tries to crowd in close but Vanessa plants a hand in the middle of his chest and shoves him back when he makes grabby hands. “One of you fuckers has to have a lighter.”

“Technically there’s only one fucker here,” Nina says, using her Nina Rosario, Barrio’s Best voice. It’s the same one she would use to explain quadratic equations. “And you apparently make very tender love to each other.”

“God, it’s so easy to forget what a little shit you are when you’re in California,” Vanessa says, more admiring than annoyed, and if Sonny’s confident in his Vanessa speak (he is) that roughly translates to  _I miss you, please never leave._

“You love me,” Nina sing songs and Vanessa is very visibly trying—and failing—to bite back a smile. Nailed it, Sonny thinks smugly.

“She does,” Usnavi reassures, looking like the shirtless human equivalent of a puppy dog. “It’s only her love for me that is in question.”

“Are you going to wear a shirt to this party, man?” Benny asks.

“What do you think I've been trying to do for the past twenty minutes, oh my god.”

“This isn't a sweater,” Vanessa says, making a face. “It's an abomination.”

"It looks fine to me,” Nina says, peering at the grey colored sweater shirt Vanessa holds out for her perusal.

“See, that's what I thought too, the first five, six times. I’ve had enough! I can only undress a man wearing the same outfit so many times."

“He’s been wearing it all winter, babe,” Benny explains while Sonny mouths babe in disbelief. God, as much as he knew an uncomfortable amount about Vanessa and Usnavi’s sex life at least he was never subjected to pet names.

“Because it’s my favorite,” Usnavi says, frowning. “What, I’m not allowed to wear my favorite?”

“Not to the exclusion of all else,” Vanessa says. “God, it’s like the summer we started dating all over again.”

“Can you just put a shirt on, jesus,” Sonny breaks in. “We're supposed to have been gone.”

Usnavi shakes his head and sighs, heading back to the bedroom with a look of a man long resigned to his fate. The four of them are left alone in the kitchen, the ensuing silence only broken by Vanessa’s voice:

“Now that that crisis is dealt with can we talk about Sonny’s bow tie?”

Vanessa really  _was_  the worst.

 

ii.

“Promise me,” Eliza says, eyebrows all scrunched.

“I promise,” Alexander says, smiling like that has meant anything ever.

Eliza is wise to his tricks. “Okay, but do you promise or do you promise?” Because they've been down this road many times and in Alex speak one leaves just enough wiggle room for him to try to drown Aaron Burr in a punch bowl over immigration law.

"I promise,” Alexander says, raising his eyebrows meaningfully. “Cross my heart. Hope to die. Et cetera, et cetera.”

“Hey now,” Eliza says, well aware at this point in their relationship that she can’t take Alex anywhere without varying levels of chaos. “Let's not bring death into this.”

“Wrong crowd, love,” Angelica calls from the open doorway of the master bathroom; she’s touching up her smoky eye. “Considering you're dating a manic depressive and all.”

Angelica, as ever, has a point. “Be on your best behavior,” Eliza gently chides, tugging at Alexander’s tie for emphasis.

“I’m always on my best behavior,” Alexander says, smile slow and warm and entirely distracting. She wants to kiss it badly even as she doesn't want to encourage the very behavior she is trying to prevent and fleetingly wishes for John.

Angelica’s snort from the bathroom speaks volumes.

“What happens if I misbehave?” Alexander asks because shame isn’t a word that exists in Alexander Hamilton’s vast vocabulary, eyes dark and intent. “Will you punish me?”

“You’d like that too much,” Eliza says, smoothing down his shirt with a smile that probably gives away how much she likes it too.

“He really would,” John’s voice says brightly and they turn as one when he steps into the bedroom, like flowers turning into the sun.

“Alex promised he would be on his best behavior,” Eliza says just to watch John’s face crack into a smile, something inside her going tender and soft at the sight.

“I’ll believe it when I see it,” John says, grinning, and he is so, so dear. Not just to Alex but to her too, different but no less meaningful.

Alexander pretends to sulk but the gleam in his eyes gives him away. “No faith! And from the loves of my life, the people sworn to love me best!” He frowns, losing steam. "Well, plus Angelica, I guess—”

“Did you swear?” John asks Eliza. “I don't remember swearing.”

“There has been no swearing to my knowledge,” Eliza says just as solemnly.

"Just what I've always wanted!” Angelica yells over them. “To be your afterthought!”

“Oh my god,” Alexander says and Eliza is so full of love and good humor that she lets it propel her forward, pressing a soft, lingering kiss to the corner of Alexander’s mouth followed by one to John’s freckled cheek. Angelica she resolves to hug once she is finished in the bathroom—Eliza hasn't been able to stop since she got off the plane—but now she is content to watch Alex slide his fingers over that same cheek and into John’s hair, kissing with all the sweetness the world doesn't know he possesses under that frenetic arrogance.

She beams and links arms with both of them when they’re done, marching them forward. The night is young and so are they.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [kate from lizzie mcguire voice] usnavi de la vega is an outfit repeater!!!
> 
> there is a very specific sweater that lmm wore in all ham stuff from the public on that i am always inordinately amused to see crop up again. i've been joking about this since 2014 so only fitting i work it in this fic.
> 
> also hi!! i am alive!! i've moved into my first apartment since my last update! and look, ham makes his first appearance since chapter one! 
> 
> (i know. i'm the worst lmao. uhhhh, progress???)


End file.
